Relationships and expectations

I wonder how two people who are madly in love with each other end up fighting and seperating. The main culprit as per me is always expectations. Its really really very important to have right expectations.

I have seen couples who are very happy with each other inspite of them being very different, inpite of their bad physical relations, inspite of all the differences they have. And the main reason of their successful relationship is - they know exactly what and how much to expect from the other. And ofcourse it takes years to come to this level where you both expect just the right. Many relationships fail to reach that level.
We get into a relation when we see the other person meeting the imagination we have for our ideal parner but with time we start realizing there are many things that are not as we thought they would be. And that is the time most crutial for a relationship. If the partners can withstand the pressure built because of the expectations and understand that it is imposssible for the other to meet all the expectations, the relationship will flourish.  I also call it accepting the other person as he/ she is.

I just wish that we all can learn this art of accepting the other the way he/ she is and able to communicate and set the right expectations. 

Romance with nature

O dear take me to the land of dreams...

Where fresh rays of morning sun

bring with them the hope for a new day

and fragrant red roses

remind us of selfless love

Where dew drop on green grass

soothes feet with its sweet kiss

and cool breeze from the river

silently whispers a love message

Where lovers sit for hours holding hands

watching surreal sunsets 

and changing colors of the sky

bids adieu to a wonderful day

Where moon lit beautiful night

brings with it lovely dreams

and song of nightingale 

ushers you to the world of dreams 

O dear just take me there

where there are no worries

and no hurries

That's the land of dreams I dream of!

Adjustments

"Adjustment is the greatest prayer" Amjad Ali said while addressing the audience at a show by Amaan Ali at Kamani.

Be it playing an instrument with another master and adjusting to his tunes or living life and adjusting to its strange ways... Adjustment IS the greatest prayer

I, me and myself

I love:
- Sweet smell of roses and green grass

- Sound of chirping birds
- Watching Sunsets
- Long walks

- Getting wet in rains

- Listening to soft music

- Watching romantic or philosophical movies

- Participating in Chai adda with family and friends

- Traveling, writing and talking to familiar strangers I meet on my journeys

- Day dreaming

I believe in:
- Living life on my own terms.
- Always on a look out for challenges. Routine life bores me to the core.

The Strangers

After a decade of knowing each other
Strangely they are still strangers.

They have yet not been able to

deep dive into the each others hearts.

They have yet not been able to
touch each others soul

They are still strangers

And strange is their life

Together yet apart,

Near yet distant. 

Living just with one hope 

One day, someday
They will be able to confide in each other

No longer will they be strangers  


                                                          ~ Shailza

Grown ups are very strange - I

How strange is this that we never bargain at a big stores while buying our branded clothes
but we do so with poor rickshaw puller...

Even today!

Just a casual question from a friend: "Is your brother younger to you?"
"I would not have been in this world, if he was elder." the 12 years old girls replied innocently.

No more complaints please!

Day before yesterday while going down the lift I met one of the neighbors. Just after a quick hi she goes...
"The other lift is out of order. They just take money and do nothing. Its so difficult to manage with just one working lift for so many people. Next month I am not going to give any maintenance charges. They just don't know their work. How can rain spoil the lift."

I wonder why people concentrate so much on bad things. In the same little time we spent together we could have talked about nice weather, beautiful park in the society or kids enjoying their play. Complaining about things has become a way of life for them I guess.

The lift was working the next day. It was just a machinery breakdown that has nothing to do with incapability of people working here.

Today I meet her again in the lift she goes "Have you noticed these people are not cleaning the stairs properly these days."
"Really" I answered

"Not again" I thought.

I salute you woman - Part I

Get up at 5AM, prepare and pack food for the family, pray to god for everyone's wellness, water the plants, take bath and drive to the dispensary in Deolia, a small village in Shimla. On the way pick up three teachers of the only school in the village. Thats how the day starts for her.

This small village Deolia has couple of houses, a dispensary and a school  - Houses with toilets but unused because of lack of water in the village, Dispensary with Doctor but without sufficient stock of medicines and School with around 100 kids and 3 teachers but no education.

 I was surprised to know that Kids of 6th standard can't even count 1 to 100 properly - Thanks to the policies of Government and the "mid day meal program". I was told that its a Government policy not to fail any student regardless of his/ her marks. No wonder students take it easy. There are only 3 teachers in the school who are accountable for how much ration came in a month and was consumed but not for studies.
Also met a young educated lady from the village itself who has volunteered to teach in school for just Rs 400 a month. Yes you read it right - its just 400 INR that too is not from Government but the contribution from students of the school so that they can atleast read and write basic alphabets and counting when they pass 5th standard.

Anyways, merrily these 5 ladies responsible for the well being of the place, by treating and teaching them, start their day and take on the responsibilities given to them without being provided with sufficient resources. They are happy to make a small difference thay can in the lives of village people.

Coming back to the life of the doctor, she drops everyone back to their places, reaches back exhausted. And then is the time to take the role of an ideal mother. Feeding kids, checking their diaries, helping them with their homework, checking on their routine and giving them some useful tips... Kids still not happy - mom gives more time to the other is what they both complain.
Getting over with the kids stuff now is the time for hubby dear to be back. Better get the house tidy before he's back or else suffer his bad mood. Be an ideal wife, make hubby happy in every possible way.

And mind it, she also has to make sure that there is something good on the dinner table. Important for the wellbeing of the family she prayed for in the morning

Hats off to you lady... U are a super woman!!!

I am walking this strange road...

I traveled the same old road every day

One strange day I felt the tremor in the air

Sky seemed to kiss my forehead

I forgot to follow the familiar path

Magical call is there from the land unknown

I have to go, I have to explore.

Thorny bushes might scratch my skin

The pebbles on road might hurt my bare feet

But I have to walk this strange road, I don't know why.

The little prince greeted me and walked by my side

Song of chirping birds filled the music in the air

Fragrance of fully blossomed roses captivated me

I need to get enough of it

I have to stay, I have to stay

Touch of roses soothes my skin

Cold water relieves my bare feet
The magic of this land makes me forget all my woes

I am walking this road, I know why.

Gone are the days...

There were times when people genuinely wanted to help each other, the closely knit families, the relations, the togetherness.... Meanings now have changed, everything is just a formality. I should do this or else what will people say. 'What will people say' is more important than 'what do I like doing'.

The other day I went to attend a ceremony called "Kriya"... one of distant relative's mom expired. I wonder how many people who attended the ceremony were genuinely sad...most of them hardly knew the person expired. One of my aunts sitting next to me was restless as the ceremony was taking long... she had to go shopping after this.

I remember the day mom expired. People were pouring in for days. Every one had the same question. How did it happen, she was fine....and I could see papa explaining it to all what happened. Something that he was trying to forget all the time, he had to repeat for everyone. Do they want the pain to lessen or aggravate!

I know these things were made to support each other in bad times but how far is that true now, all this has just become a formality. Not that I do not like socializing or attending ceremonies, but am concerned that the inner meaning is getting lost somewhere. 
If one attends a function or a ceremony it should be because one wants to and not to show it to the world that he/she was there/ concerned!

Human touch

Our maid comes early in the morning and these days since I am home I just open the door for her and she continues working while I sleep. Yesterday after washing utensils while she was moping the floor, she shouted and announced that a pigeon has entered the house. And thus started the struggle to freeing the bird.

It was first hiding behind the door. I opened the windows of that room and tried to shoo the bird towards the window using various props that included broom, wiper, stick and what not, but in vain. It was rather trying to run to the darkest corner to hide. The bird seemed to be scared and so was I.

So I left it alone and closed the door of the room, thinking that it will figure out the window in some time and fly away. But after some time when I went into the room, it was sitting on one of the chairs. I thought, may be it needs some more time. So I left and checked after an hour, but even then it was sitting on the same chair. It seemed dazzled and confused.

 Then a sudden thought came to my mind. I quietly went near the bird and placed my hand at its back. The bird got a little startled first but then felt comfortable. It was no more scared. And to my surprise it started following me... sounds strange but it happened. I slowly took my hand near the bird. It walked towards my hand and sat on it. I took my hand near the window and the bird flew away to freedom. 

Human touch made the difference I guess :)

Nature photography and me...

"Every picture should have something to tell" he said.
"But how can nature pics tell something... Its the beauty of that moment I want to capture" I debated.

...With my camera and my perceptiveness I can freeze a moment. A beautiful moment of nature that goes unnoticed in this fast paced life. Now it will last forever, thanks to my keen eye.

All pictures on this blog (all are mobile uploads except for the last one) are pieces of everyday life that goes unnoticed. That piece of time now belongs to me.



The sunrise or the sunset will never quite be the same way ever again; This image is taken while in the cab coming back from office... Sunset in Gurgaon.











Early morning picture taken from home terrace, before leaving for office.












This one is just after rain stopped one sunday afternoon, taken from my balcony. There's a faint rainbow in this if you noticed. Check it on fb for larger and clearer view.

A mysterious night...















A very common plant in your backyard that goes unnoticed.

Are we going in right direction?

Read an article by Kunal Kapoor in HT City yesterday, that triggered a series of thoughts rather a fight within me and I am sure many of us go through this fight within more often than not.

We have a good balance of work and play in our lives. We work diligently on the weekdays and enjoy our weekends...catching up with friends, movies, shoping, photography, blogging, painting, carrom... But still why is there some kind of dissatisfaction. Is it because of not being able to be a good human being, not being able to live with parents, enjoy those long relaxed moments of love and togetherness?

Quoting few lines from the article to make it clear by what I mean being a good human being -

I smile and think of all wonderfull things I want to say to her. That's when my Diary screams "Stop wasting time, there's a lot to do".

I want to say sorry but diary goes rush, rush... else u'll be left behind.

The author wants to be good human being but has been transformed into a robot

What do I want from life... or so to say what do we all want. Run after what all our friends have - a good job, big house, a car...??? Or have limited needs and enjoy moments...small moments of life - sipping a cup of tea with family for hours savoring each sip of it; Having home cooked (mom cooked with me assissting) meals with all members of the family; Caring for people around; Having a heart felt talks with a close friends ... Isn't that what we really want...what makes us happy?!?

We all know this but still keep ignoring it due to our fear of being left behind.

Not sure if it is right to put it on city life but it does have some share in changing us from good human beings to emotionless robots. Rush rush in the morning to catch cab, skiping breakfast... attending meetings... ordering dinner from outside since there was a late evening meeting... Life just goes on like this. We have no time to help the injured person on the road, spend some time with old aunt who just want few moments from our life, cook a nice meal for the family and enjoy it with everyone, say a few words of love and appreciation to the one who matters the most in our lives...

Time to ponder - what are we heading to become

Life... Another strange angle to it

Till some time back I was totally convinced that city life and the hectic lifestyle it offers has more cons than pros. But after this call from a friend who is well qualified doctor, settled in a small town with her lawyer husband and 2 kids, my opinion seems to be changing. She's having problems with relationships - to be more specific husband/ wife relation. And it has gone to the extent that she has devloped suicidal tendencies. I was wondering if these people have a lot of time to themselves to get into such fights or is it that life hasn't given them enough exposure and hence they are stuck with these issues.

This busy life has given us at least one good thing. Since we are too busy with our work, we want to spend quality time with our family involving in some constructive activities rather giving too much importance to the disagreements or issues in our relationship. Working with many different people (read all kinds of weirdos) has given us enough patience to handle relationships . And the great thing is we can get rid of those weirdos by changing jobs and can always use the skills aquired in our personal relationships... ;)

Kudos to our busy city lives! What say?

PS - I would still prefer life in a small town to life in a big city (Metro), may be after getting that exposure required ;)

Memories

MEMORIES

Some things...

Some people...

Some moments...

Are there to stay,

Even after they are gone!

Life's journey

Its a strange journey
Life's journey...

Journey of knowing yourself
and of knowing people around you.
At times...
you find yourself as a stanger
And some other times...
you find people around you, whom you thought you know well,

as strangers

Its a strange journey
Life's journey...

I am Dreaming...

Dreaming of doing things I have never done
and getting where I have never been

Dreaming of the world without hurries
and the world without worries

Dreaming of restless souls to find peace
and wandering minds to settle.

Dreaming of those undelivered gifts to be delivered soon

Dreaming...dreaming...dreaming.
I am dreaming.

Oh dear!
Wake me up only when all hope's lost
Till then…
Let me dream my dream.

Not just another day

Beautiful morning

Weather is lovely

Smiling faces
and heart is happy

Things to accomplish
Meetings to attend

intelligent minds debating

leading to great learning

Its not just another day...

Hearing songs
while watching sunset
Holding hands
with someone special

Throwing tantrums
on ones who care
And sharing dreams
with those happy to hear

Its not just another day...

Everyday is special
Its not just another day!

Experiencing different culture

Enjoying days with in laws these days. A nice happy family... what else does one want from life.

One would die laughing to see how we communicate. Hindi, English Bengali....all mixed. How we started is really funny. I would speak in Hindi, they answer in Bengali. They would speak in Bengali, I answer in Hindi. And the good thing is we would understand each other really well. Their knowledge of Hindi is as good as my knowledge of Bengali.
And even today.... we communicate the same way, hehe. I tried, but couldn't get rid of hesitation to speak the language, I did speak fairly good at one of the marraiges in the family recently though. And to my surprise my mom in law has overcome the hesiation to speak in Hind. Now she has started speaking to me in Hindi... in sweet broken sentences :). Love you mom.

Same way our food... a good mix of Himachali and Bengali food. Veg, Non veg, Khatta, meetha...a mix of all.
For us in Himachal its mandatory to have one khatta item in the menu and sweet is part and parcel of Bengali cuisine. Before marriage I was not quite fond of sweets, its only on festivals that I used to have some sweets. But now I have developed a sweet tooth. A meal seems incomplete without a sweet. Another big difference is the number of items served in a meal. Himachali meal is very simple and Bengali cuisine is known to have variety. A meal starts with some Bhaja, then comes Dal, then some vegetable then fish\chicken\mutton, then chutney, papad, sweets. Its like never ending. We have develped a style thats a mix of both... Khatta meetha...veg non veg...simple on weekdays...eleborate on weekends.

I love wearing saree, listenig to Rabindra sangeet, talking on a topic for hours over a cup of tea, traveling.... some of things very peculiar to this new culture I was introduced some time back. Not long ago, just 5 years back...hehe.

It was a big decision in my life to get married in a diferent culture. But I think it was a good decision. Experiencing different culture is really too exciting and interesting. Its fun!